When The Fat Worm Sings: A Journey Of Self-Recovery

This book in many ways was written to appease my creative inner dreamer. More importantly, it has allowed me to share my story with you, the reader, in hopes that you might find comfort knowing you are not alone - not alone if you suffered years of childhood abuse, if you were molested, raped, beaten with words or fists; if you hold years of suppressed memories, emotions, and reality nightmares. Perhaps you find yourself in a place where I was at the time of writing this book; rising up from the ashes (or least trying with all your might) like a phoenix, after suffering a nervous breakdown and being diagnosed with PTSD. I was not an addict nor have I ever been one, and certainly have no plans of becoming one. I am not a veteran or an emergency service worker. I didn’t fit a “category” and I was, desperately seeking help in a country that is beyond underfunded in mental healthcare. I was actively engaging in “getting better” every way I could. However, it seemed like there was a wall every turn I took. There were moments I felt like I was drowning in a maze flooded with water, with no way out, but damn it all, I was going to survive! Survive is just what I did and will continue to do. A bold realization came through in one of my Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) sessions; “I have had a million panic attacks, so clearly I can cope with this one. You will not die from it.” Bingo! My ah–ha moment.

This book is for you to become inspired with desire to live and fight for your life with tenacity and conviction. It is my hope that somewhere amongst the pages of this book you find the moment when you say, “fuck it, I am going to kick some mother-fucking-problematic-mental-health-ass!” Damn right. Some shit has happened to you and you may crumble and cry when facing it. Again, remember you will not die from it. There may be vulnerable moments where suicide feels like the only answer because you think the world would be a better place with out you and your sad, sorry ass. Feel free to tell those thoughts to fuck off, too. You've got this my love. Trust me, you can do this. You are not alone and you are brave. Be gentle when you are being hard on yourself. Advocate for yourself. Honor your inner wisdom. I wish you love on this journey and happy reading. If it gets too hard don’t force it. Time can be a very healing gift.